I’m retired AGAIN. Or should I say, I‘ve just completed my latest chapter. This one took 5 years to complete. I now have time on my hands and am once again, trying to figure how to fill it up. At 48 years of age, I am still in search of “finding myself”. I was always told that I could “have it all”, but the problem is, I was never quite sure what that meant. Was it the combination of career, marriage and family? Or did it mean a combination of any of the three? Or did it mean that each one had to be successful individually, and when I say successful, I mean wealth, happy marriage and well adjusted kids…How’s two out of three???
When I look back over the course of my life, I realize that I never really had direction. I was never focused on any one goal or specific track. I went to law school partially in an effort to delay the inevitable, and partially because that was something my brother Mark was intending to pursue. I went into the family business because I was fortunate that it was available to me. And I pursued sales because it allowed me flexibility, or so I thought.
It took 48 years, 3 career moves, marriage and motherhood to figure out my direction – MOM. Who would have thought? Certainly not me. And probably to no one in my immediate family. Is this fulfilling? In response to the question, “so, what do you do?”, will I honestly be able to say “stay-at-home mom” without stuttering or apologizing? Eventually, but its one of the biggest challenges I have encountered….the expression itself as well as the task before me.
And so, my next chapter….
There are two questions that have become thorns in my side -
“WHAT'S ON YOUR AGENDA FOR TOMORROW?”, and “WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?” Its really hard to admit that I met a friend to do a morning walk or catch up over coffee. It’s hard to admit that I had a tennis game for two hours and then went to lunch, not because it was anyone’s birthday or special occasion. But, just because it was lunch time, and why not…It’s hard to admit that I just ran errands and did “stuff” around the house. I did that when I worked. I took care of all that, even “sat” on charitable boards and committees, “chaired” events, maintained a weekly tennis game and even enjoyed friends’ birthday lunches. It’s hard to admit that I took a two-hour yoga class and that was pretty much it for the day. Its just hard to admit that my day is now filled with trivial tasks, things that I filled in during my working day. I don’t even answer the house phone during the day because I SHOULDN’T be home between the hours of 9am-5pm. Those calls are from people who wouldn’t expect me to be home and truly only wanted to leave a message in the first place. Otherwise they would have called me on my cell.
I don’t have a daily agenda. As a person who loves to make lists and check off each task, it’s hard not to have a daily agenda. I NEED tasks. I NEED my lists. I love checking off accomplished tasks. I thrive on multi-tasking. So, I have “Projects”. Its kind of like the concept, “You don’t eat meat, we’lI make lamb”. I re-did our main level of the house (a work in progress), have organized each room of the house (bedrooms, play-room, basement, and garage), re-built our mailbox, revamped my gardening skills (realized that “planted” fake flowers last longer than real), tried to create “structure” in our home (work in progress), kept pace with gifts and condolence cards (don’t minimize this stuff), and ran the school store. I love that one….
But my most important task starts at 7:00am everyday with a break from 9am-3pm. My “job” is to be available. “AVAILABLE” to help get dressed in the morning, “AVAILABLE” to take to school and pick-up, “AVAILABLE” to attend school activities, “AVAILABLE” to be a playdate or “house” a playdate, “AVAILABLE” to help with homework, listen to them practice their instrument, “AVAILABLE” to take to after-school team practices, “AVAILABLE” to help manage the team sport, “AVAILABLE” to have a catch or hit tennis balls, “AVAILABLE” to watch them play a video game (not sure I understand that one), “AVAILABLE” to read with them before bed, “AVAILABLE” to lie down with them at bedtime, “AVAILABLE, AVAILABLE, AVAILABLE”….I haven’t even touched on the weekends or holidays or that of the needs of my husband.
IS THIS MY "MID-LIFE CRISIS?
When I look back over the course of my life, I realize that I never really had direction. I was never focused on any one goal or specific track. I went to law school partially in an effort to delay the inevitable, and partially because that was something my brother Mark was intending to pursue. I went into the family business because I was fortunate that it was available to me. And I pursued sales because it allowed me flexibility, or so I thought.
It took 48 years, 3 career moves, marriage and motherhood to figure out my direction – MOM. Who would have thought? Certainly not me. And probably to no one in my immediate family. Is this fulfilling? In response to the question, “so, what do you do?”, will I honestly be able to say “stay-at-home mom” without stuttering or apologizing? Eventually, but its one of the biggest challenges I have encountered….the expression itself as well as the task before me.
And so, my next chapter….
There are two questions that have become thorns in my side -
“WHAT'S ON YOUR AGENDA FOR TOMORROW?”, and “WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?” Its really hard to admit that I met a friend to do a morning walk or catch up over coffee. It’s hard to admit that I had a tennis game for two hours and then went to lunch, not because it was anyone’s birthday or special occasion. But, just because it was lunch time, and why not…It’s hard to admit that I just ran errands and did “stuff” around the house. I did that when I worked. I took care of all that, even “sat” on charitable boards and committees, “chaired” events, maintained a weekly tennis game and even enjoyed friends’ birthday lunches. It’s hard to admit that I took a two-hour yoga class and that was pretty much it for the day. Its just hard to admit that my day is now filled with trivial tasks, things that I filled in during my working day. I don’t even answer the house phone during the day because I SHOULDN’T be home between the hours of 9am-5pm. Those calls are from people who wouldn’t expect me to be home and truly only wanted to leave a message in the first place. Otherwise they would have called me on my cell.
I don’t have a daily agenda. As a person who loves to make lists and check off each task, it’s hard not to have a daily agenda. I NEED tasks. I NEED my lists. I love checking off accomplished tasks. I thrive on multi-tasking. So, I have “Projects”. Its kind of like the concept, “You don’t eat meat, we’lI make lamb”. I re-did our main level of the house (a work in progress), have organized each room of the house (bedrooms, play-room, basement, and garage), re-built our mailbox, revamped my gardening skills (realized that “planted” fake flowers last longer than real), tried to create “structure” in our home (work in progress), kept pace with gifts and condolence cards (don’t minimize this stuff), and ran the school store. I love that one….
But my most important task starts at 7:00am everyday with a break from 9am-3pm. My “job” is to be available. “AVAILABLE” to help get dressed in the morning, “AVAILABLE” to take to school and pick-up, “AVAILABLE” to attend school activities, “AVAILABLE” to be a playdate or “house” a playdate, “AVAILABLE” to help with homework, listen to them practice their instrument, “AVAILABLE” to take to after-school team practices, “AVAILABLE” to help manage the team sport, “AVAILABLE” to have a catch or hit tennis balls, “AVAILABLE” to watch them play a video game (not sure I understand that one), “AVAILABLE” to read with them before bed, “AVAILABLE” to lie down with them at bedtime, “AVAILABLE, AVAILABLE, AVAILABLE”….I haven’t even touched on the weekends or holidays or that of the needs of my husband.
IS THIS MY "MID-LIFE CRISIS?
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