'The days are long and the years are short' best explains how, at the cusp of turning sixty-two, that I have a story to share, or at least a significant part of one. Two-thirds to be exact. My wish is that there will be a sequel. But for now, this is the story of who I am.
Who I am today reflects how I was raised and the opportunities that were provided me as well as to those of my parents. I am a reflection of them just as my children are of me and my husband. Who I am today reflects the experiences that I have borne and the people I have encountered. It is the result of turning "right" instead of going "left". It's as simple as choosing to learn the game of tennis rather than sitting at the pool. And as hard as debating to play for fun rather than for the win. Who I am today is a result of saying "no" years before I said "yes".
Who I am is the product of my parents before me. From my mother's machine-gun laugh and open-door policy to my dad's strut and athleticism. From Sunday night dinners around my parents dining room table, never with less than several extended family members and friends who we welcomed as family, to holiday meals that were always inclusive and more of a social gathering than a religious observance. Who I am today is due to them saying "yes" more than "no". It's due to all the travel they did and all the hours of matches they endured just so I could play my sport. And it's seeing my parents on the other side of the fence when other kids didn't.
Who I am is based on the extent of my parents' trust in me to do the right thing, and the extent of their forgiveness when I didn't. It's all about allowing me to back-pack through Europe after college graduation on their dime and a few Western Union requests along the way. It's as simple as them including me in their Saturday night plans when I didn't have any, and graciously allowing me to host many a party when asked. It's about them finding the humor about the unresolved removal of their backyard gate by a guest of mine from one of my parties and then finding it intact on their front yard, as well as the several pieces of tape that were never removed from the foyer ceiling left over from New Years' gone by. And it's about them allowing me to choose tuna noodle casserole every year as my birthday dinner that everyone else had to tolerate.
Who I am is as simple as a Sunday. And Sundays have always been about family. It's about my mother marching me into the Sunday School principal's office to admonish him for extending classes an additional two hours, interfering with family time. It's about my mother withdrawing me from Sunday School that very day. It's as much about our family's allegiance to the once heralded "Skins", aka Redskins, aka the Washington Commanders, as it is to our devotion to the day itself. Who I am is about our tradition of arriving to the game early enough to capture the perfect parking spot, and my brother, Stewart's insistence that we be at our seats in time to sing the Star Spangled Banner. It's about the anticipation of doing the "wave", waiting impatiently for our turn to rise and wave our arms in-sync with the crowd.
Who I am is as much about the rituals of the game as it was about the rituals of the food we brought. It's about the aroma of the pound of fresh roasted peanuts from the Nut Shop that we got up early to purchase and the homemade deli sandwiches that we individually prepared on the fresh out-of-the-oven bagels from the bagel shop next door. It's about knowing that I got pastrami with extra thousand island dressing on a poppy seed bagel.
Who I am is as simple as knowing that my mom would always be home when I returned from school and that dinner was a meal to be shared as a family. It's as much about knowing that my parents will pick up the phone when I call as it is about knowing their eagerness to call me. It's knowing that I would always have their support especially when my career path was in flux. It's about my decision to leave the practice of law after just four years and then being welcomed into the family business. It's knowing that their house would always be my home long after I moved out.
Who I am is by virtue of the neighborhood I was raised in. Of the modest split-level homes that lined our streets, each identical to the other, and the sidewalks that established our competence on a two-wheeler, mine with pink handlebars and a pink banana seat. It's about the neighborhood's annual 4th of July parades that we dressed for and the community pool that we all joined. It's about mowing our own lawns and a neighborhood of registered democrats. It's owing to the simple task of walking a mile to Arcola Elementary School without parent escort but never alone, and inwardly relishing every time I walked the school's halls and was recognized as "Cherner's little sister".
And who I am today is due in large part to my brothers before me. Of knowing more about sports than about fashion. Of trying to stand out just enough to get noticed rather than being the center of attention. Of learning the intricacies of throwing the perfect spiral rather than the anatomy of a Barbie. Of preferring baseball over ballet. Of talking about sports rather than about boys. Of having more friends that were boys rather than boyfriends. Of choosing to compromise rather than taking sides. Of being the only girl amongst a room of boys.
Who I am is as elementary as being more at ease with those who are older rather than those of my contemporaries. Of competing rather than yielding. Of excelling in sports rather than in home economics. Of being a follower rather than a leader. Of following my brothers' paths to the University of Maryland and choosing to stay closer to home. Of choosing law school because my brother, Mark couldn't. Of experiencing unimaginable grief by the loss of my brother, Mark, but witnessing improbable resolve by that of my parents.
Who I am today is largely due to a racquet and ball. It's about an eight-year-old being able to rally the tennis ball just like the instructor demonstrated. It's about acknowledging my own abilities separate from my siblings. It's about making the team. It's about commitment and keeping it. It's about the confidence I get by playing. It's being recognized in the Sports section of The Washington Post as that "Cherner girl" for placing third in the doubles State tournament as a Freshman in High School. It's being the best in your family especially amongst boys. It's about entering high school as the top player. It's about entering a new school in the 11th grade as its top player. It's being selected as Athlete of the Month by that same school as a result of an undefeated season. It's earning a collegiate letter from the University of Maryland as a member of the women's tennis team. It's about the pressure of performing. It's about walking away from formal competition.
Who I am today is about being challenged to a game of tennis by a random guy at a bar during my junior year of college, following it with a resounding win. It's about dating that guy for the next two years, never losing a set, but losing my virginity and then my heart.
Who I am is about being interrupted by errant tennis balls finding their way onto my court and then meeting my future husband when he came to retrieve them. It's about our first date on the tennis court followed by a resounding win and then wins on and off the court for years to come.
Who I am today is a by-product of having my heart broken by a first love that ran its course when my heart was young enough to heal. It's the consequence of always trying hard to exhibit strength rather than appearing soft. It's the outgrowth of recognizing what was right in front of me and accepting love rather than forsaking it. Of being 'Fred Astaire' to Elyse's 'Ginger Rogers', and accepting her hand in mine. It's about giving my heart to my future spouse on the Boardwalk of Atlantic City, and then again six months later under the Chuppah at our wedding. It's as much about my years of single-hood as it is about accepting marriage at thirty-seven and motherhood at thirty-eight. Who I am today is a product of more pink lines than blue.
Who I am today is a result of the hours of labor endured with each of my children's deliveries and the immediacy of the impact of their arrivals. It's about playgroups and date nights. Who I am is the outgrowth of years of parenting and second guessing. It's about understanding my role as a mom and a stepmom as well as a wife and as a daughter. It's about balancing priorities and many times failing to.
Who I am today has as much to do with my children's existence as it does with mine. Simply put, who I am today is a by-product of the gift of love.
Who I am today may not answer whether I have lived my best years or whether the best is yet to come. Whether I have made the most of my years or whether I settled for the easy way out. Whether I am whom I'm suppose to be or whether I ignored opportunities that could have been. But this is who I am...
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