Summer Camp Is Not Just For the Kids

The moment our boys left for sleep-away camp, everyone just assumed that we packed our bags as well. Sort of, but it wasn’t as if we were secretly awaiting their departure to take advantage of our "empty-nesting." In fact, quite the contrary. I was secretly awaiting their departure to “clean house.” Recognizing that I intentionally stopped working to become a full-time SAHM (stay-at-home-mom), my schedule sort of opened up the minute they boarded the bus. In preparation of that, I planned plenty of projects to fill my time – re-organizing the boys’ bedrooms, their closet and drawers, not to mention kitchen cabinets and refrigerator and playroom; going through (meaning, “throwing out”) toys, old clothes, and school projects that were no longer “cute” (hard to believe); sorting and documenting family photos and finally framing those “selected” family moments that I had planned to do during last summer’s camp time. These were all admirable projects that required focused, uninterrupted attention. Perfect for when the boys were away. Yeah, yeah, yeah…. Whose got that kind of time????

I ask you, is that what camp is really all about? To straighten up THEIR mess? To rearrange THEIR junk? To sort through THEIR stuff? Sort of…, but I also assumed I would enjoy life without schedules, days without planning, weeks of spontaneous living….

So, I ask, do we send our kids “away” for their benefit or for ours? My husband swears that it is one of the greatest opportunities that we can give them. “This is where they ‘grow up’, and this is where they form their life-time friendships”, is what he tells me. Even though I wasn’t a “camper,” per se,  I do get it. For them, they have the opportunity to “bond” with new kids, explore new challenges and experience new activities and surroundings. They learn to acclimate, accommodate and compromise (I’m hopeful). They achieve a sense of independence while overcoming their anxiety of the unknown (I kind of experienced a similar feeling while they were gone). They are out of their comfort zone (totally me too), and I don’t mean air conditioning, tempurpedic beds, housekeeping or car service. Actually, come to think of it, that is their comfort zone.

What I really mean is, they don’t have MOM to kick around…. Did I mention that they don’t have MOM to kick around???

Their “fall-back” guy (me) was home, 90 plus miles away with no immediate access. Their desperate “cries” for some item that they can’t possibly live without, go unanswered. Their refusal to accept the food that was prepared, IS ignored. The fact that they are too tired to participate, is NOT acceptable. If some “one” or some “thing” is not to their liking, THEY need to deal with it. And if they are bored for a moment in time, be bored or be creative and find something else to do.

Come to think of it, I’m not sure who was MORE out of their comfort zone – Me or them. I mean, really, what’s the point of my existence if not to be the “go to guy”, the “handler”, the “one who understands me” , the one who “makes it all better”….

Oh, my god! What was I thinking? In just 4 short weeks, ALL of my child-rearing achievements were destroyed! Our oldest son, whose diet consisted solely of carbs (short for carbohydrates and carbonated soda), started eating brisket and carrots. Are you kidding me??? Did they not have peanut butter and jelly or pasta as an option? Did you not explain that the smell makes you gag? The same child who can’t possibly fall asleep without the sound of the tv, went “cold-turkey” for 4 weeks. Seriously, did you not plead your case with such passion and guilt? Are your counselors DEAF??? And, get this, our youngest son took showers every day. WHAT!? Didn’t you explain that you took one yesterday and swore that you would take one tomorrow? You mean to tell me that your counselors didn’t agree that a swim in the pool worked as well as a shower? Incredible…

And we paid for this?

But wait, there was still the opportunity to keep me in their back pockets. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t peruse the camp site looking for my kids’ faces amongst the thousands of photos of everyone BUT them! Did they purposely avoid the camera so that I couldn’t tell how much fun they were having? Or, what about the days I waited anxiously for the mail to arrive for a letter “home”, even with much trepidation of what I was about to read. I needed some sign of existence, some indication of enjoyment. Who was I kidding. I needed some inkling that I was in their thoughts.

And I got it!
Week 1:

“Hey mom and dad, it’s me (no kidding). There are two things I want to ask you. First, do you think you can buy me a game for my DS , and second, I want to go home. Love you guys, “

Not sure what the second question was, but sort of got the gist. Needless to say, it was directed to the “go to guy”…

Week 2:

“Hey mom and dad, it’s me (no kidding, again). I have to tell you guys something. Every night here is awful. I get really scared at night when its pitch black and everybody is fast asleep. I can never fall asleep. Because of this, I really want to go home. Me and you guys need to talk about this and I don’t mean in a letter. Please respond as soon as you get this. xoxoxo. PS. I miss you guys a lot.”

He had to add the P.S.? Heart-wrenching…, but does that mean that the daytime hours are enjoyable??? If I’m not mistaken, I think he directed this to the “handler”…..

Week 3:

“Hey mom and dad, everything’s great. Love you more,”

He did it! He worked it out for himself. What was the game you wanted for your DS?…. He knew he had me at week 1.

So, who does camp benefit? I’ve come to realize that camp is not so much about a “break” from schedules or the “freedom” from responsibility as it is about the opportunity to “grow”. And, from my own experience, the “growing pains” are much harder as a parent…..